today, i stumbled on an artery
it was green (can arteries be green?)
and as 155 others nodded and understood
i thought maybe you were right
about it all
18 and telling me i was making a mistake
hallowed halls are no place for a child
19 and i’m crumbling beneath carrara columns
20 and 3 digits determine the weight of dreams
At 21 i cry and cry and cry relieved tears on a remarkable Tuesday
21 22 23 how many years can i tell the same stories
didn’t i know there aren’t any second chances
but what do i do if nothing else makes me
look at 80-year-old me and smile with Hope
what do i do if nothing else just is
i’ve ran in soaking flats at 5pm all across town
i’ve listened to the owls, the ones that flew the whole way here
i’ve dined on goat cheese stuffed squash blossoms
over Prufrock, Matisse, and Indo-Pak relations with the curiosities
i’ve tried to prove you wrong my whole life
but what if you’re still right
i get a 1st call in January
and then the final one in March
is this what being right feels like
like climbing a glacier till your legs fall off
and then realizing you still have to return
to the beginning
today, my voice cracked
in a white coat on a thank You
I wouldn’t be here without You
and I felt Hope grow back like leaves on my soul
as I breathed in belonging
I touched a heart today
the rivulets the fossa the life
I looked up at the blue blue blue sky
and found jubilant lines in a tired face
today, I accepted failure
and then sat by the sound with five old friends
and breathed in the salty ocean and laughed and laughed
and laughed bathed in the orange light
I have nothing left to prove to you anymore
somedays I think about the green artery
but most days I think about here
the oath the heart the sound of laughter
and the beginning of belonging
Muskaan Aggarwal is an MS1 at the Perelman School of Medicine.
Image by Yuchen Chen, an MS2 at the Perelman School of Medicine.
